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Just Saying

Just Saying

Sunday, 30 September 2012

Peace of Mind..!


“As I gazed into the emptiness of the sea, I saw a reflection of myself……I found myself”

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25th August 11:30 p.m.

It was the last night of our stay in Goa. Me, Vineet, Kunal and Anmol had just experienced one of the most awesome trips of our lives and we were scheduled to leave for Delhi tomorrow. Dead-tired and extremely high on alcohol, we headed towards our hotel rooms after sharing a drink(s) at the Colva beach.


“Let’s move on manh…we gotta get up early tomorrow.” I called out Vineet in a li’l slurry voice.
“Move on? Hahh” He smirked. And continued, “Tum chalo, I’ll join in a while.” He replied.

I decided not to argue with him as we three moved towards our rooms. We had to leave around 12 tomorrow… “phew, too early.” I thought to myself.

26th August 10:30 a.m.

I woke up an hour back and got ready a bit early just to meet Melinda before we parted forever. Melinda was my girlfriend. We met on this tour and parted at the end of it. Short, sweet love story. Isn't it? *wink*

Before leaving, I decided to wake Vineet up, just in case he hadn't, so that we wouldn't miss the flight back.

Within minutes I was in his room but he was nowhere to be found.

Bed? No

Balcony? No

Bathroom? No

Lobby? No



I searched all possible places in the hotel but I couldn't find Vineet. I was scared now. Evil thoughts started crowding my head.

I decided to go to the beach again.

I started running towards the beach.

In the fear of what-might-have-happened-to-him I dint even realize that the beach was a kilometre away. Eventually I took a cab and reached the destination. I hurriedly ran towards the place I last left Vineet last night.




I was breathing heavy now.

I was running.

Did he drink too much last night?

I was running.

But he was capable of handling it.

I was running.

Did anyone kidnap him?

I was running.

He’s too heavy to be kidnapped. Dammit!

I was running.

With a ray of hope and the fear of what-might-have-happened-to-him, I reached that place.

.
..
...
….
…..

I was breathing heavily now and heart was beating as if it would smear my chest apart.

Sigh! I finally heaved a sigh of relief but I dint know this sigh will be short lived.

He lay there in peace. With a bottle of Teachers in his hands and peace on his face, he lay there, in peace.

 I was scared to death. “IS HE ALIVE?” was the only question that came to my mind…

Slowly and steadily, I moved towards him…A wave swept my feet as I sat beside him and tried to shake him a bit. He lay unmoved. Another wave swept my feet and I shook him strongly now but he dint move a bit.
I felt like the earth beneath me was gone. I felt numb.

What had happened to him? Why the hell did I leave him alone? What would I tell his parents? Why the fuck dint I force him to come along with us?

All kind of evil questions rushed to my mind.

Amidst these thoughts, a paper along with the waves touched my feet. I picked it up and found some blurred words scribbled over it. I knew it was Vineet’s handwriting.
I had to read it. Maybe this was his last note.

Peace of Mind…!


As is gaze in to the emptiness of the sea,                                                        
Old memories rush back, my childhood, I see...
Young, free wild and innocent…
Truthful, honest…what I said, I meant.
How caringly my mommy ran all around the house for feeding me my food...
How few encouraging words from daddy, lightened up my mood…
I remember when cycle rides and homework were my day’s glee…
Cricket, football, it’s all been sucked by a flea...
Gazing into this emptiness, in these memories, I grind...
I need, I need, some Peace of Mind!

As I look over that half crooked, half broken tree...
It’s that playground those classes, My school, I see….
Remembering the teachers, the games, the bunks...                                     
Those friends, that recess, those shared lunch break chunks...
That unusual crush, the groups, the fights, it has all flown by…
A smile covers my face with a tear in my eye…
School life is surely one of its kind…
I seriously need some peace of mind…!

As I shift my gaze, I see a pair of birds…                                     
Flying together, being together, I find my vision blurred…
I am reminded of the girl I love(d), her face flashes in front of me...
Our memories, my past, I thought we were meant to be…
Those eyes, that face, our talks, our unusual connection...
Makes my heart melt, I feel a deep intrusion…
Why dint we work out? Why did she go?
Why did I change? Why am I not the same anymore?
Picturization of all those memories, I realize my love is still unconfined...
Darn, I need some Peace of Mind..!

Further I move on, I know it’s a lie…
I glance at a boat, all empty and dry…
N I am reminded of the girl who fell in love with me...                                           
I could be myself in front of her, I could be free…
I remember how I was her morning, night, her world revolved around me…
But I couldn't love her back enough, coz I was still in love with the girl who dint love me…
I feel guilty, sad…her memories is what keeps me bind…
*sigh* I need, I need some Peace of Mind..!

As I hold my tears back, I further move my eyes around…
I see a li’l girl and a guy holding hands, sitting on the ground…
Looking at this, I smile remembering her…
She always said we’d be friends, friends forever…
Talking to her about everything was once my life’s delight…
I don’t wanna know who was wrong; I don’t wanna know who was right…
What hurt me was the fact that she let me go off easily…
Reminded of all this, I feel a burden, on my heart…numbness in my mind…
God! Please grant me some Peace of Mind..!

Further I look down and hold my knees close…
I look back at those failures, those mistakes, I chose…
By making the wrong friends, those friends turned foe…
They chew me, they spit me, they left me when I was low... 
I leant those lessons; I learnt the hard way…
After a grey night, there’s always a bright sunny day…
Of all these moments, I lost, I resigned…
I need some Peace of mind..!
As I decide to shove all this nostalgia, I decide to go back to my room…
I see my dad standing right behind me, he knows this unavoidable doom…
He gently taps my shoulder as I clasp my hands…
He tells me this is a part of life, those memories flow away like the sand…
“You gotta relish it son” is all he says to me…
He stands beside me…and I face all this, so easily he defined…
My gods grant me some Peace of Mind..!



Tears flow through my eyes as I finish reading this. I am touched. Moved. Shocked.

Inexplicable emotions flow inside me.

As I stand up to call some help, someone calls me from behind.

“Hey manh! What time is our flight? “

Fuck…..another rush of inexplicable emotions run inside me. I turn around and see Vineet standing.

He just rubs the sand off hair and smiles, like always.

I just hug him in delight and smile over my foolishness. He gives me a weird expression while I do this.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Nothing manh, I just need some peace of mind!” I reply and wink while keeping that crumbled paper in my pocket.

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When anxious, uneasy and sad thoughts come to me, I go to the sea and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its voice and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused!



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