Shaurya holds the Pen again:
They had to put me on Ventilator. This entire thing was against me. The more my hopes were trying to sustain, the more they were crushed brutally by Cancer.
I wanted a big Escape from all this, Escape from the pain, Escape from those helpless faces and the Escape from my silence. For the first time I wanted to quit it all. I wanted my Final destination to arrive, I wanted the Big Escape from this World.
Sanya Speakes!
First January, so many plans for this New Year. All our attempts to bring him back home were dying. Doctors had given up on him. Everyone was quitting except the real family he had. All sort of negativity were surmounting us. It was a dark patch of our life.
This is the real misery of pain, tears evaporate but pain doesn’t. My eyes finally gave up of crying too. I reached his bed and whispered into his ear “Happy New Year Bhai, Please Don't Go”
As I said this, tears were streaming down from my eyes as I saw him struggling on deathbed. My tears did not quit, so how could I? With my wet eyes, I wished for his breaths.
We were standing near his bed hoping to see Shaurya back. Maami and Me were chanting with a hope that God won't betray us. We had so many questions in our minds but nobody actually had the strength to ask for answers.
Perhaps God envied our happiness and Medanta was just a Medium through which He wanted to take away our everything. Shaurya's healthy cells were not stored properly, God was in no mood of looking at us. He was in no mood to listen to our endless prayers, He paid no heal to our tears and to those fears that were rising in our hearts!
Everyone had given up. Right from the doctors, somewhere even we all knew that something bad would happen, Bad enough to shake my beliefs in God.
But then there was this Mother who was not ready to believe that her son was going to sleep forever, is going away from this World of Pain and sufferings. She was chanting, chanting every possible Mantra that would save her Child. That was the moment when seeing that false hope in Maami's eyes was making me weaker.
His state was unstable but then Life Support Machine could keep him alive. I left the room, leaving behind Shaurya. I could not see him suffer more. That was the last time I saw him alive.
I was unconscious but still I could feel the presence of all my favorite people around me. I was not unconscious completely but in a sub-conscious state. Everything in front of my eyes was dark. All dark, but then on one side I could see Mumma with that same beautiful smile on her face. How beautiful she looked, Bunny was there on her left and Papa on her right, there was Saloni and Sanya with Rakhis in their hands waiting to tie them on my wrist, Mancha was in his usual self, ready to pull my leg again.
Sahil was there too with his Camera asking me for another pose! Sanchit was playing with that same innocence on his face. There was everyone I loved, Shekhar, Sid, Aarshi, Yuvraj and there was Ayushi, my Ayushi, waiting to live the rest of her life with me. Everyone was there, all were smiling like a perfect Family but something was missing. Mumma then opened her arms, ready to fill that emptiness. I started walking to fill the space.
On the other side, it was all bright; a ray of light was entering, trying to tear apart that Darkness. There was something, which was pulling me away. I refused but with all the force, I was pushed towards it, towards that light.
I was too reluctant to leave my family, to leave my mother who waiting for me, Waiting to embrace me to bring me back to that family, the wait that would last forever. I am sorry, sorry to everyone who cried and prayed for me, with me.
I was Strong Enough to Stay, Strong Enough to live long but not Strong enough to see Mumma Crying, to see Papa being so helpless, to see Bunny with those silent tears, to see Mancha Struggling to smile, to see my Sisters broken completely, to see Sanchit with fears in his small eyes, to see Sahil pretending to smile and to see My Friends living with a false Hope that their Chikoo will be Alright. I was not Strong to see my Bhua battling with her sorrows and To see Ayushi leaving. I was not strong Enough to bear all this!
Internal Bleeding Started, the blood inside my veins had burst out completely. There was blood all over. Blood from my eyes, nose and even from my Mouth. It felt as if I was Swimming in the pool of Blood.
They had to put bandages on my eyes, not with a hope to keep me Alive. I was feeling heavy, heavy enough that I could not even handle my own Weight! The blood clots on my thighs, the cuts on my lips were adding more to my misery.
Everything was going at the same speed; the world outside that room was the same old World where everyone was fighting for a better life, a happy life but the world inside the ICU of Fortis Hospital was fighting just to LIVE!
The wall clock showed the time 1:50 a.m and the Date was 4th January.
And… I took my last breath!
They had to put me on Ventilator. This entire thing was against me. The more my hopes were trying to sustain, the more they were crushed brutally by Cancer.
I wanted a big Escape from all this, Escape from the pain, Escape from those helpless faces and the Escape from my silence. For the first time I wanted to quit it all. I wanted my Final destination to arrive, I wanted the Big Escape from this World.
Sanya Speakes!
First January, so many plans for this New Year. All our attempts to bring him back home were dying. Doctors had given up on him. Everyone was quitting except the real family he had. All sort of negativity were surmounting us. It was a dark patch of our life.
This is the real misery of pain, tears evaporate but pain doesn’t. My eyes finally gave up of crying too. I reached his bed and whispered into his ear “Happy New Year Bhai, Please Don't Go”
As I said this, tears were streaming down from my eyes as I saw him struggling on deathbed. My tears did not quit, so how could I? With my wet eyes, I wished for his breaths.
There was no sweat on his body but I could still feel that his entire
body was melting, as if it was on fire. All sort of pins and tubes were
tethered to his body, trying to keep him alive for just another day. Certainly,
no one knew how long this ‘another day’ could hold.
We were standing near his bed hoping to see Shaurya back. Maami and Me were chanting with a hope that God won't betray us. We had so many questions in our minds but nobody actually had the strength to ask for answers.
Perhaps God envied our happiness and Medanta was just a Medium through which He wanted to take away our everything. Shaurya's healthy cells were not stored properly, God was in no mood of looking at us. He was in no mood to listen to our endless prayers, He paid no heal to our tears and to those fears that were rising in our hearts!
Everyone had given up. Right from the doctors, somewhere even we all knew that something bad would happen, Bad enough to shake my beliefs in God.
But then there was this Mother who was not ready to believe that her son was going to sleep forever, is going away from this World of Pain and sufferings. She was chanting, chanting every possible Mantra that would save her Child. That was the moment when seeing that false hope in Maami's eyes was making me weaker.
His state was unstable but then Life Support Machine could keep him alive. I left the room, leaving behind Shaurya. I could not see him suffer more. That was the last time I saw him alive.
Shaurya: For the last Time
I was unconscious but still I could feel the presence of all my favorite people around me. I was not unconscious completely but in a sub-conscious state. Everything in front of my eyes was dark. All dark, but then on one side I could see Mumma with that same beautiful smile on her face. How beautiful she looked, Bunny was there on her left and Papa on her right, there was Saloni and Sanya with Rakhis in their hands waiting to tie them on my wrist, Mancha was in his usual self, ready to pull my leg again.
Sahil was there too with his Camera asking me for another pose! Sanchit was playing with that same innocence on his face. There was everyone I loved, Shekhar, Sid, Aarshi, Yuvraj and there was Ayushi, my Ayushi, waiting to live the rest of her life with me. Everyone was there, all were smiling like a perfect Family but something was missing. Mumma then opened her arms, ready to fill that emptiness. I started walking to fill the space.
On the other side, it was all bright; a ray of light was entering, trying to tear apart that Darkness. There was something, which was pulling me away. I refused but with all the force, I was pushed towards it, towards that light.
I was too reluctant to leave my family, to leave my mother who waiting for me, Waiting to embrace me to bring me back to that family, the wait that would last forever. I am sorry, sorry to everyone who cried and prayed for me, with me.
I was Strong Enough to Stay, Strong Enough to live long but not Strong enough to see Mumma Crying, to see Papa being so helpless, to see Bunny with those silent tears, to see Mancha Struggling to smile, to see my Sisters broken completely, to see Sanchit with fears in his small eyes, to see Sahil pretending to smile and to see My Friends living with a false Hope that their Chikoo will be Alright. I was not Strong to see my Bhua battling with her sorrows and To see Ayushi leaving. I was not strong Enough to bear all this!
Internal Bleeding Started, the blood inside my veins had burst out completely. There was blood all over. Blood from my eyes, nose and even from my Mouth. It felt as if I was Swimming in the pool of Blood.
They had to put bandages on my eyes, not with a hope to keep me Alive. I was feeling heavy, heavy enough that I could not even handle my own Weight! The blood clots on my thighs, the cuts on my lips were adding more to my misery.
Everything was going at the same speed; the world outside that room was the same old World where everyone was fighting for a better life, a happy life but the world inside the ICU of Fortis Hospital was fighting just to LIVE!
The wall clock showed the time 1:50 a.m and the Date was 4th January.
And… I took my last breath!
"I may not be there yet .... but I am closer than I was yesterday!!"
-said Shaurya
Written by:
Parul Parihar
Himanshu Appie Chhabra
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