No matter how positive and supportive the parent-child
relation is, there is always a perception difference and a little shyness.
Those lies in between, deeply rooted somewhere. Something that I, like everyone
could not escape. I was little ambivalent with them.
But with Mancha it was different. We shared the secure-bond, where things were
much more simple and informal. No explanations were asked for and no
explanations were given either. I had found a really cool buddy in my
relatives. They say relatives always suck, but not all, especially when you are
cancer patient. I saw the change in several people around me. Those people who
didn’t even know me well were sorry for me. However, Mancha was always same.
“You don't need to have wings always to reach what you aim for,” He reassured me comfort whenever I was in the desperate need of it. He was like a guardian angel, abandoning my life without sorrow and pain. After lot of convincing and pressure from Mancha's side, Papa finally agreed to let him stay with me in hospital.
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That night was unusual for me. It was love in the Air instead of stinking medicines. Ayushi, Well..she was that ray of light at the end of the long dark tunnel, which I was going through. She was trying every possible way to cheer me up, to enlighten my spirits and to maintain that smile on my face. The continuous series of texts were exchanged between me and Ayushi. There were thousands of mixed emotions that were travelling with them. Finally I said something that my heart was telling me to say.
“I LIKE YOU AYUSHI, May be a little more than just friends.” Every second then seemed like a century. With numerous uncontrollable feelings running inside my nerves, I was waiting for her reply.
I could see Mancha staring at me with a sheepish smile on his face.
Finally the reply came.
"Chikoo, I like you too but little more than just friends." Her reply made me jump with joy, I was trying really hard to control but that blush on my face revealed it all.
"Did she say you a Yes?" Mancha asked looking straight into my eyes with an I-know-everything look.
I had no answer, probably I wanted to enjoy that moment. Reading that message a million times, I did not realize when I fall asleep. Floating in the air of her dreams, the night ended. I woke up again to face the brutal reality. I was moving ahead trying to match up with my life. My life moved but somehow I was left behind. The regular chemotherapies were reducing every bit of my life every second. They were no more the life savior, but life snatcher because they were taking away the best moments of my life and taking me more towards death.
The more I expected, the more I failed. So I actually had stop expecting, at least I was pretending that. Whenever my hopes were murdered, I could see the pain in Mumma's eyes. She was suffering more. My belief in God was diminishing with every living second.
The chanting reduced, the prayers were unheard but the Pain continued.. The fight continued!
"Hey.. Let’s Go out for a movie" I received a message from Ayushi. My Mom did not allow me to use mobile phones. Because somewhere it was the reason that today I was going through this. It took me a whole lot of time to convince her that it was the mobile tower radiations which resulted in this but not Mobiles.
Ayushi was the reason I was found smiling even in the worst of the times. Every gesture of hers pushed me to live. Although I was not allowed to leave home but saying No to her was something impossible.
Instantly I replied her with a Yes and we decided to go out to Pacific Mall this evening, convincing Mumma and Papa was the toughest job ever. Still keeping all the hesitations aside, I decided to confront them.
"Mumma I am going to Sid's place, I am bored being at home", I finally said, rather I finally lied.
Sid was my neighbor and more than that a brother and a friend. Every time I went out with Ayushi, I would bring him into the limelight and that would eventually end all the problems. But end of the tensions only for me, not for the poor fellow. He had to sit back inside his house until I was home.
After a million refusals, big NO's Mumma finally said a yes after taking a prior permission from Papa. Surprisingly he agreed too. Apparently, they both wanted me to be normal and for that I had to behave normal, unlike a corpse.
Meeting Ayushi was like going to a big grand party in itself. I need to look the best, wear the best, and smell the best.
"Saloni, I am going to meet Ayushi. Tell me what should I wear?" I called my Baby sister Saloni.
Even if I did not mention where I was going, she had made it out from the over excitement in my Tone. She was three years younger to me yet calling her little would be an understatement. How much she had grown over the years still amaze me.
"Wear anything Black Chikoo Bhai, you look dashing in Black,” she replied in her usual natural sugar coated voice.
"I know, indeed I look dashing in everything. Oh My God, how amazing I am?" I said trying to sound strong.
"I still can't believe ITNI SUNDAR AMEER LADKI MUJHSE KAISE PATT GAYI?" I continued laughing more to myself.
There was a silence from her side; I could hear a little weep. She was crying and I knew it. That’s the reason I was trying not to sound low and make her feel terrible. She had cried silently many times but I have heard it all. "I need to rush Saloni, bye", I disconnected the call.
Even the thought of seeing those tears in her eyes was killing me within. I felt like a culprit who was the reason behind those tears. I was the big brother, how could I make her cry? But no longer... She will soon Smile!
And the reason will be 'SHAURYA' again.
But with Mancha it was different. We shared the secure-bond, where things were
much more simple and informal. No explanations were asked for and no
explanations were given either. I had found a really cool buddy in my
relatives. They say relatives always suck, but not all, especially when you are
cancer patient. I saw the change in several people around me. Those people who
didn’t even know me well were sorry for me. However, Mancha was always same.“You don't need to have wings always to reach what you aim for,” He reassured me comfort whenever I was in the desperate need of it. He was like a guardian angel, abandoning my life without sorrow and pain. After lot of convincing and pressure from Mancha's side, Papa finally agreed to let him stay with me in hospital.
That night was unusual for me. It was love in the Air instead of stinking medicines. Ayushi, Well..she was that ray of light at the end of the long dark tunnel, which I was going through. She was trying every possible way to cheer me up, to enlighten my spirits and to maintain that smile on my face. The continuous series of texts were exchanged between me and Ayushi. There were thousands of mixed emotions that were travelling with them. Finally I said something that my heart was telling me to say.
“I LIKE YOU AYUSHI, May be a little more than just friends.” Every second then seemed like a century. With numerous uncontrollable feelings running inside my nerves, I was waiting for her reply.
I could see Mancha staring at me with a sheepish smile on his face.
Finally the reply came.
"Chikoo, I like you too but little more than just friends." Her reply made me jump with joy, I was trying really hard to control but that blush on my face revealed it all.
"Did she say you a Yes?" Mancha asked looking straight into my eyes with an I-know-everything look.
I had no answer, probably I wanted to enjoy that moment. Reading that message a million times, I did not realize when I fall asleep. Floating in the air of her dreams, the night ended. I woke up again to face the brutal reality. I was moving ahead trying to match up with my life. My life moved but somehow I was left behind. The regular chemotherapies were reducing every bit of my life every second. They were no more the life savior, but life snatcher because they were taking away the best moments of my life and taking me more towards death.
The reports were not satisfactory; the WBC had fallen down
drastically. I was advised not to leave home until I get back to normal. Things
were not going as I planned. Spending time at home was boring without my sister
and then she visited me, Sanya, my sister. We had literally grown up together.
Fought really bad but then when she left I realized how much important she was.
"Are you again busy on phone? Girlfriend milli toh behan ko bhul gya,” she complained a lot about my not giving the time to her. She sat near me on my bed, did a few chanting and asked me to do it along with her.
‘May be this would bring me back to Life,’ I thought.
She was practicing Buddhism, every time she visited me. She would make me do all the prayers and chanting. But nothing worked for me… Nothing!
"Are you again busy on phone? Girlfriend milli toh behan ko bhul gya,” she complained a lot about my not giving the time to her. She sat near me on my bed, did a few chanting and asked me to do it along with her.
‘May be this would bring me back to Life,’ I thought.
She was practicing Buddhism, every time she visited me. She would make me do all the prayers and chanting. But nothing worked for me… Nothing!
The more I expected, the more I failed. So I actually had stop expecting, at least I was pretending that. Whenever my hopes were murdered, I could see the pain in Mumma's eyes. She was suffering more. My belief in God was diminishing with every living second.
The chanting reduced, the prayers were unheard but the Pain continued.. The fight continued!
"Hey.. Let’s Go out for a movie" I received a message from Ayushi. My Mom did not allow me to use mobile phones. Because somewhere it was the reason that today I was going through this. It took me a whole lot of time to convince her that it was the mobile tower radiations which resulted in this but not Mobiles.
Ayushi was the reason I was found smiling even in the worst of the times. Every gesture of hers pushed me to live. Although I was not allowed to leave home but saying No to her was something impossible.
Instantly I replied her with a Yes and we decided to go out to Pacific Mall this evening, convincing Mumma and Papa was the toughest job ever. Still keeping all the hesitations aside, I decided to confront them.
"Mumma I am going to Sid's place, I am bored being at home", I finally said, rather I finally lied.
Sid was my neighbor and more than that a brother and a friend. Every time I went out with Ayushi, I would bring him into the limelight and that would eventually end all the problems. But end of the tensions only for me, not for the poor fellow. He had to sit back inside his house until I was home.
After a million refusals, big NO's Mumma finally said a yes after taking a prior permission from Papa. Surprisingly he agreed too. Apparently, they both wanted me to be normal and for that I had to behave normal, unlike a corpse.
Meeting Ayushi was like going to a big grand party in itself. I need to look the best, wear the best, and smell the best.
"Saloni, I am going to meet Ayushi. Tell me what should I wear?" I called my Baby sister Saloni.
Even if I did not mention where I was going, she had made it out from the over excitement in my Tone. She was three years younger to me yet calling her little would be an understatement. How much she had grown over the years still amaze me.
"Wear anything Black Chikoo Bhai, you look dashing in Black,” she replied in her usual natural sugar coated voice.
"I know, indeed I look dashing in everything. Oh My God, how amazing I am?" I said trying to sound strong.
"I still can't believe ITNI SUNDAR AMEER LADKI MUJHSE KAISE PATT GAYI?" I continued laughing more to myself.
There was a silence from her side; I could hear a little weep. She was crying and I knew it. That’s the reason I was trying not to sound low and make her feel terrible. She had cried silently many times but I have heard it all. "I need to rush Saloni, bye", I disconnected the call.
Even the thought of seeing those tears in her eyes was killing me within. I felt like a culprit who was the reason behind those tears. I was the big brother, how could I make her cry? But no longer... She will soon Smile!
And the reason will be 'SHAURYA' again.
Written by:
Parul Parihar
Himanshu Appie Chhabra
Parul Parihar
Himanshu Appie Chhabra
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