“Why do you come here every day?”
He assumed that she asked it.
“I knew you would ask me why I come here every day. But, I have no reason. My family stays here. And, coming home every day is not even questionable. So, stop asking me. It annoys me. I knew that you would be tired and wouldn’t be making dinner tonight,” He said and placed two polybags on her cemented grave.
“I knew you would ask me why I come here every day. But, I have no reason. My family stays here. And, coming home every day is not even questionable. So, stop asking me. It annoys me. I knew that you would be tired and wouldn’t be making dinner tonight,” He said and placed two polybags on her cemented grave.
“I won’t hear any excuse. So what
if you are not feeling hungry. It’s almost 7:30 and the sun will be down any
moment,” He waited for her to reply.
“Fine! Even I’m not feeling
hungry,” He looked at the other side.
“Why don’t you accept that I’m
dead,” He assumed that she said this with her trademark irritated expressions.
The moisture in his eyes lasted
for a while and then slightly and silently, tears skied down. His heartbeat
felt the burden and skin felt the coldness that left him alone. Taking the palm
in-between his teeth, he tried to feel the pain. The pain of losing her was
different from everything that can hurt, make you bleed, may crack the bones or
worse, make you feel dead. It felt like as if someone has pushed his hand
inside your chest and the hand is squeezing your heart to make that person
bounce out of it. It feels like someone is continually scratching his\her nails
on your delicate heart in order to remove the footprints of that person.
“If I decide to accept that you
are not alive. First off, I won’t use ‘dead’, ‘not alive’ sounds less harsh. If
I decide to accept that you are not alive, I’m scared that I would lose a part
of me. When you died, I precisely diverged in two people; the familiar one and
the unfamiliar one. The familiar one, that I knew the most, decided to walk
away with you. And, the unfamiliar one bought my body to stay. I don’t come
here just to meet you. I come here to feel complete. My other part is here,
somewhere hiding in the bushes, maybe.
When I come here at my home, I feel alive. I don’t want to…” his voice
trailed off as his sight rejected to give him a clear view of her.
The wind gushed and he felt a
touch on his shoulders. His sight, too blur to see.
“I don’t want this stranger to
stay in me, I want myself. Sneak out of this death thing and come back. I
promise I will give anything to keep you alive. Just sneak out once, we will go
far away where no one would ever find us.”
He started moaning and coughing.
His cheeks were wiped out with tears and his words gave us. He had so much to
share, and the best he could do was cry it all out. This was the quickest way
to lighten his heart.
There is this promise that ‘Our
love will be forever’ and there is this thing called ‘life’. The latter one
often laughs over the former one and the former cribs in the land of
destiny. He could feel it cribbing in
the silence of their bedroom. He never
felt complete, doesn’t matter how many pillows he kept around him or how much
he curled himself in the blanket.
“I feel that every breath is
polluted now, my whole life is tainted as you had stopped breathing. I’m sorry
that I find my home here.”
He opened
the door of his car, parked next to the grave, made himself comfortable by
pushing back the seat and closed his eyes. In no time, he fell asleep. The leather
seats still held her fragrance.
“Aashna, come please,” he was dog tired, yet the sleep wasn’t
around.
“You are such a kid, you should learn to sleep without me,”
She said, as she walked out of the washroom after changing her dress.
“I don’t have to learn that, you are not divorcing me,
right?” He arched his eyebrow.
“Right! But you never know,” She furled her arm over him in
the blanket.
“I don’t want to know…”He hugged back and slept. In her Fragrance.
-Himanshu Appie Chhabra
No comments:
Post a Comment