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Just Saying

Just Saying

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Undeterred Courage - My ray of hope among the dark clouds.

“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.”
– Albert Camus

Tortured beyond imagination by my own parents, I have finally pushed through the pain to build a life of hope. As a child, at first I was taught by my mother to be comfortable and responsive to a man’s touch. I could hardly understand what she wanted me to do until one day, my parents sold me to an agency that dealt in child trafficking. That seemed like an end to my life.

For few weeks, I was provided food and clothes that looked good. But all that comfort was short lived, and then the unthinkable happened. I was dressed in skimpy clothes and my face was painted in heavy and cheap looking make up. Then, I was made to stand with few other helpless girls. A price tag was put around our necks and we were literally auctioned before the prospective clients.

I was shuddering in utter disbelief. At that moment, a client bargained me for sex. He took me to a room and told me to strip. I refused his offer immediately. He grabbed me by the hair, forced me on the floor and raped me forcefully, taking away my virginity. I was terrorized and felt as if I had lost myself. The girl who came out of that room wasn’t me anymore. I could not recognize myself in the mirror.

After that day, it was on a regular basis that I was put in rooms with different clients and was supposed to please them, entertain them, and what not. Mentally I was lost, emotionally I had killed myself, and physically I had no choice but to lay naked in bed with some strangers. I didn’t recognize the sun or know what the grass felt like!

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It was only after several months that I finally got my one chance to escape from that hell. Everyone seemed to be busy and I was willing to give myself one chance to revamp my life. I took a leap of faith from the back side window when no one was noticing and ran with all my might.

I decided not to go to the police station as I was terrified. After several days, I ran into a counselor who helped me regain my optimism. She took me to a doctor and I was put on medication. My road to normality has been a bumpy ride. I would have fits of rage, long nights of tears and terror, and few suicide attempts. It was only after hundreds of visit to the doctor and being in regular touch with my counselor that I finally heaved a sigh of relief.

For the first time in years, I am off medication for depression and can look up to a future. I exercise to keep my mind active, I interact with people (something that I have been frightened of) and seem to fave found a new me.

- The Girl who saw a new 'hope'

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