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Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Never Together... Never Apart... Part-9

Few days passed and I found myself sitting in the ceremony named ‘roka’. It wasn’t a dream; it was the sour reality I was trying to accept. Everyone was happy around me and I was feeling alone although I was surrounded by a lot many people around me.

Loneliness surrounded my soul. I had a bunch of unanswerable questions in my mind. My happiness was getting dug in my heart. My soul dug my heart abruptly. Initially it bled but then I somehow managed to grave my happiness quite easily with my own hands.
“Is there anything wrong?” At last, someone was there to hold me in my loneliness.

I turned back to have a look at him. Samar was the only person who could feel the pain growing with my fake smile. I saw behind. It wasn’t Samar, it was Rishi. He started caring for me, as soon as our mom-dad confirmed our fate. It wasn’t his fault; he was just caring for his would be wife.

“Rishi, let’s go to my room,” I said bit confused. He followed me in a same manner he did in our first encounter.

“What are we doing in your room, without telling anyone,” He winked and smiled.

“I want to confess you something,” I prepared myself for the confession and I started telling him everything.

I told him every single thing about me and Samar, and most importantly that I have lost myself to him. My heart bounded with guilt of hiding things from him. My heart was walking with the load of pain. I confessed and made my heart feel light. It was a partial confession. I needed to confess the same thing to Samar. The relation was unnamed; still I wanted him to know.

“I can understand,” Rishi gave a decent smile putting his hand on my shoulder, just to strengthen me.

I smiled and wiped my wet eyes. My eyes couldn’t bear the pain of the virtually watching I and Samar together since the day I did the experiment with blackboard; the beginning of our life together. He was behaving so rude and now I kick his balls even if he raises his voice.

I smiled and we both came back to our living room. The ceremony of ‘Roka’ completed and I was back in my room, turning the pages of my life’s diary. A rude Samar; 10th class student and a jolly Pari, a Samar sitting and crying in a coffee shop and an emotional Pari listening to him, Samar hugging Pari just before leaving the city, Samar embracing his Pari in his arms in parking lot on her B’day. Every page of my life was written so nicely, yet incomplete.

I closed my eyes and dialed Samar’s number. My half confession was still pending. I needed to confess everything to Samar.

“Hello beautiful,” said the Samar as soon as he picked the call.

“Hello Kamine,” I replied.

“It’s cheating yaar. I always greet you with good words,” He complained.

I smiled and replied “Trust me, Kamine is a good word for you.”

“Leave that, I got the Visa. I will be going next month.” He said as if India won the world cup again. He was going, far away from me. I cried a single tear out of my heart. May be… We were getting Apart.

“I am getting married with Rishi, today was my Roka,” in no time I confessed. It was my anger, that he was leaving or maybe the reason that he was too excited to go.

“I will call you later, my friends are calling me” Samar said and disconnected. He was cup in the deep sorrows. He was going away from her Pari and Pari was going to marry someone else. He cried a single tear out of his heart. May be… They were getting Apart.

I wish to be the Pari of 10th standard,
The girl, with the pranks, the one slandered,
I wish to be the one comforting Samar,
A coffee shop, and a smile Comer.
I wish to be the one lost in his arms,
With no worries and no harms,
I wish to go back from where It all start,
Two sides of river, Never together…Never Apart…

We waited for destiny to make a move so that we can drag out of the relation we were in. and when destiny played its part, I so wanted to live in my past. I wished I never grew up, I wished I never left that old school, I wish Samar was a bit compatible for me to spend our life together but the reality was “Nothing was meant to be as I wished them to be”. It was Samar’s dream to go to Australia for his further nerdy needs, obviously, studies. He was supposed to go one day, and see, the funny coincidence. He was leaving me and finding his own way for his life when I needed him the most.

I consoled my heart by accepting the fact that it was supposed to happen and it happened. I was trying to get used to it. Samar did not call me that day, and I knew the reason, that he was consoling his heart too by sitting at some corner of his hostel room.

My parents were happy as never before to find a son in law like Rishi. Their smiling face, glittering eyes with hope and heart elated with happiness, somewhere helped me to accept the reality, to accept Rishi as my soul mate. No, Rishi was my life partner… Soul mate was Samar, and only Samar. I had started developing respect and a soft corner in my heart for Rishi because he accepted me with my flaws, he accepted me as his to be wife although knowing my soul belongs to Samar, he accepted me although knowing I had lose myself to Samar. Rishi was the perfect partner for life, understanding, witty, caring, loving, intelligent and good at heart.

When I told Samar about the qualities Rishi posses, he was somewhere happy that his Pari was going to a person who would be by there her side forever unlike him. I and Samar never stopped talking, we were living the time we had left on hand but I never cheated Rishi. He always knew when and what I was talking to Samar, after all, I could do this much for the wonderful human like him.

Samar soon got occupied with his arrangements to fly for Australia or I better I say, he deliberately got himself busy. I busied myself in the happiness of my parents and love filled acceptance of Rishi. At every damn step, he proved that he would be the best husband a girl can ever dream of. Well, as long as love is concerned, someday, somewhere, I knew I will fall in love with Rishi. Well, that is how it goes. Isn’t it?

A month was coming to an end and Samar’s departure too, he promised me to visit my city and meet me before leaving the country and I was sure enough we will meet for the one last time.
I was relaxing on my bed, choosing my wedding dress from a catalog when my cell phone buzzed for a call …

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Drishti Dasgupta (Blogger at Because you'are- One of a Kind)


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