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Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Never Together...Never Apart... Part-8

Sometimes, your heart will die to be with the one you love, but destiny will play its part to get you apart to begin an all-new chapter of your life, by putting an end to your favorite chapter where you wanted to live forever…
What was I doing with my life, with my heart and with my soul? Was I playing a stupid prank with my own life as well as Samar’s life? I had no answer to these lingering questions which were haunting my sleep at nights. There were numerous nights when I would cry myself to sleep with the thought that we were temporary in each other’s life. The word “Forever” was just another word of dictionary in our case.
I was a head strong girl, I knew my bounds and my limitations but I could not resist my love for Samar when he embraced me in his arms and when he placed his love filled kiss on my petal lips. I crossed my bounds, not that I was weak but I wanted to lose. Lose myself to him and surrender myself into his arms; I wanted him to lead me. I had always heard few love birds saying “Making love enhances the love between two people”, but we had redefined it, “Making love with the one you love with all your heart, bounds two souls with numerous emotions of love, the emotions which would be cherished by you when you will breathe for the one last time”.

Samar went back to his city the same evening. We did not regret making love. It defined the purity of love we shared, the purity of our soul. I was happy to lose myself to someone who had redefined every definition of my life, he was happy too. But yes, we never confessed it. A lot many things were yet tacit between us, sometimes it’s better to be short of words and express yourself through your actions. We did the same.
“What would happen if I ask out to your parents to surrender their girl to me for the rest of my life?” Samar had asked that evening while we were having our usual evening phone call chat.

“Nothing much. They will cut you into pieces and throw you to dogs as their meal” I said casually as I gulped a sandwich as big as my mouth.

“And what if they agree for our wedding?” he inquired further.

“Simple again. We will get divorced in next 48 hours because we wouldn’t even agree to the side of bed one would want to sleep” I replied, chewing that huge bread slice in my mouth.

“Yes, it is so strange na. When we are not together, we miss each other and when we are together, we don’t want to be with each other for the numerous fights we undergo each minute” he laughed.

Yes, every damn thing was strange from past five years. My friends used to laugh at me and my dearest Sakshi was one amongst them. She never understood the relation I and Samar shared. How could she understand when even I and Samar were trying to understand the crap of our life? We had handed our life to destiny, it would lead us where ever we are supposed to go. If we are supposed to be together, we will be. And if not, we will accept it and move on. Move on with beautiful memories of these years spent together. Frankly, we were waiting for destiny to make a move because we were stuck at the same place since long. And one fine day, destiny finally played its part and directed our life to the direction it was meant to go…
That morning, my Mom informed me that some Mr. Varma’s son named Rishi was back in the town and they would be pleased to see me. Obviously I knew what that pleased to see me meant… I was getting hooked. My parents were busy finding the perfect match for me since a year from now and after horrendously rejecting eleven stupid guys who does not even deserve to get a hold of my hand, this guy named Rishi, seemed perfect for me as per my Mom’s confident eyes. 

They reached few moments before time. My father sat with Rishi’s family on the brown sofa and my mom served them with the best out of her kitchen. 

At first look, I looked at Rishi hatred. He was smiling with Ah-She-will-be-my-wife smile and I was smiling back with an In-your-dreams smile. However, He didn’t understand my inner feeling with my facial expressions. 

My mom-dad made themselves busy in planning our future together. Each word adding to the conversation was enlarging the smile on Rishi’s face and the anger in me. Soon, Dad was busy in his Business proposals with uncle. Somewhere I was felling happy, that the marriage topic was dissolve but the very next moment my mother dumped my happiness.

“Beta! Show Rishi your room,” My mom came up with the deadliest thought. I smiled forcefully in acceptance. 

I followed my mom’s instructions, as I was told to do before the arrival of Rishi’s family. I behaved like a decent girl. It was hard still I managed. Rishi followed me like bachelor dog. I wanted to run away but still I controlled myself and tried to walk beside him.

“How are you,” He asked in his sweetest tone, still with the Yes-I-will-marry-you smile.
“I am great,” I became normal as soon as my mom dad disappeared from my sight.

“So, this is my room,” I opened the door as if it was some historical monument and I was his tour guide.
He sat on a side of my bed without providing any harm to the bed sheet and started looking around.
“So, my room is more interested than me,” I poked him. He took it as a flirt and smiled back.  

“I was just checking. How our bedroom will look after our marriage with your touch.” He delivered his words with unique sweetness and confidence.

We interacted with each other. My mom gave a 2-hour lecture before about ‘How my behavior will be?’. I was supposed to behave friendly and so I did. If you are a girl, it is actually hard to have time for your own life. A girl lives for his family his kids and everyone except herself.

He wasn’t that bad. He was a nice person. We came downstairs. All the four living beings downstairs were smiling unpredictably. It seemed like they had already decided my fate. My approval wasn’t even mattered.
My dad decided everything for me since childhood and implied one me. I smiled back to them giving the approval unknowingly.  There smile grew, they decided everything. My mom treated them with rasgullas and they leaved one a happy note.

On the other side, I was trying to gulp the reality. How can my one fake smile allowed them to decide my fate. Everything was pathetic. But, Samar did it well. I sent him the text after all that unbearable drama.
It was paining, somewhere in my heart. I painted a smile on my face and called Samar. “Hey, How are you Kamine,” I was behaving decent whole day and finally an abusive word out of my mouth relaxed me a bit.
“How was he?” Samar tried to pull my legs.

“Rishi, He wasn’t that bad.” I portray him as the best a girl can have. Samar was listening to it as a prank.
Suddenly my mood swung and I faced the reality. “My mom is calling me in kitchen, Cya” I made a false excuse.
As soon as he disconnected the call, I cried my heart out. I was broken drastically. All, I could see was Samar losing my hand and Rishi holding it. I knew it would happen someday. Samar and I were, never meant to be forever. We both knew that we would get apart someday. They why I was crying? I wished to cry out all his love out of my eyes. But, It seems to look impossible.
I couldn’t break my parents heart. I couldn’t be so selfish.  On the other hand, my own heart would be left alone; alone in a shell to weep forever. Rishi or Samar, Samar or Rishi? My parents smile and blessings or Samar, my life?  
An Unknown hand with the blessings of mom-dad,
The hand I am losing, is making me sad.

Two hearts of my parents, Two of Samar and I,
Which ones are more precious, Which pair will die?

In every situation, I will die for sure,
My parents or Samar, whom I love more?

My heart would be the cheapest one.
Eventually, My pain would be the deepest one.

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Drishti Dasgupta (Blogger at Because you'are- One of a Kind)

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