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Just Saying

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Tamanna - A craving




There I was upset with my life...Seating on the back seat of the car and heading to a doctor's clinic for a regular check up.. All through the way i had been thinking about a how I had been handling my life since a year... My health getting worse.. My emotions getting marred...The things and people i lost.. A tear rolled down my cheek seeing the frailty of my emotions...And all of a sudden i was quivered by the short brake that my driver made at the traffic signal...


Looking out of the window at the yellow street lights from the pane of the car-window, all of a sudden i was nudged on the elbow.. i sneaked out of the window to see where did i feel the nudge from?...And i saw a girl-child who might not be more than 4 years old begging in her torn clothes and shabby appearance.. She could not even speak properly.. I ignored at first and looked away, thinking that these are just the tricks of the elder beggars to get the alms out of the passengers.. and thought of rolling up the glass of the window.. I wiped off the tears that had emerged into my eyes few minutes back with a soft tissue paper on my car-deck.....But after sometime I again felt a nudge..

She didnt move an inch from there.. looking at me with those innocent needy black eyes...which glistened more in the yellow lights... It was as if some spell in her eyes that dint make me roll up the windows.. Her hand was still held out... waiting for me to give her something expectantly..

I tried to find out but could not find her parents anywhere nearby.. Her stature made it appear that she was just 4 years old....a girl if was in school might have been in Jr.Kg. (as per the new rules).. Kiddos in Jr. Kg are not even able to speak properly 1 sentence even when they are attending the nicest school..and this one was an uneducated little soul... and that too lost in the hushing n rushing traffic in peak hours..

I asked the driver to take the car by the foot path.. I called her there and asked her name.. She got scared enough to tell her name.. But when i pampered her ruffled hair...She spoke out with great difficulty - "Tamanna".. I was pleased to hear the name which also is a synonym to the word "craving".. Craving or Longing for love, care, food, money, education, luxuries or may be life???? 

She looked pale and exhausted.. as if every inch of her tiny body was complaining of the pain...I bought her a full platter of dinner from a nearby stall and a bottle of water as well.. I stood there till she completed it...She gobbled it up all as if she had been hungry since a week and i enjoyed watching her enjoying every small bite with great adoring expressions...

Once she finished it all.. I just asked her where was her home so that i could drop her by.. She showed me the footpath saying- "This entire road belongs to me..I can sleep anywhere I want..".. All of a sudden a smile curled up on my lips listening to her innocent answer.... All i could reply her was - "U have got a bigger bed than mine.."

I asked her about her parents.. because i still felt she was too tiny to handle her ownself alone...She said - "I am all by myself.. Whoever comes and stays and sleeps here with me .. may it be a kid or an adult is my friend... Parents I dont know..."

I was moved by the answer.. I was all of a sudden feeling a clump in my throat.. I cleared off the throat and asked her - "You have more friends than i have...How do u manage yourself alone?"

The reply she gave put me into shame.. She replied - "Memsaab, u cry when u feel lonely and can't handle.. We are used to it... For me, its an every day thing and we dont have those papers with us for tears.. We dont even wipe it off .. They dry up eventually" (She meant soft tissues)

I could not believe the reply i heard from a girl who was supposed to be in Jr. Kg. but is on streets..hardly 4 years old...I have never heard such replies from any 4-year kid even in the best school of the city.. I felt touched and decided to leave the place saying - "U indeed r luckier than me.. Do u wish to study?" .. Thinking she might have an ambition in life as well...Just like any other kid .. may be she might want to be this or that...

Her reply was - "I dont want all that mess in my life...So that after lots of years i sit in a big car under the yellow lights and cry .. I am happy here ...What is the difference between crying in a car or crying on footpath??.. "

I was speechless and had no reply to her question.. It was tough to accept that a 4 year old kid defeated me in rapid-fire round...I thought i should stop the conversation right there.. because it was making me feel more embarrassed... I just gave her a chocolate to end the meeting and started to move with a fast pace...All of a sudden I heard a shout and i turned around...She came to me running ... and told me with full innocent smile - "Memsaab.. Thank you.. and take care of urself... Can i sing a song for you? I will not charge you.."

I felt a chill run through my spine. I allowed her to mumble few lines... With broken lyrics in her sweet innocent voice she sang - "Tujhse Naraaz Nahin Zindagi ...Heraan Hoon Mein.. Tere Masoom Sawalon se Pareshan Hoon Mein...."... I felt goosebumps since that happens to be my favourite song. ... I  hugged her and reciprocated her cares ..... And sat in my car.. She waved me 'bye-bye' till my car was out of sight.. 

On the way, driver asked me - "Where shall i take u ma'am?"

I said - "Take a U-Turn.. I wanna go home.. No need of doctor anymore.."


While coming back.. I was again lost into my thoughts.. I could not get "Tamanna" out of my mind...This time I felt contented and happy. .. Life felt complete... And I decided to accept the Life as it comes.. It was the best counselling I ever had in my Life... My Craving - Tamanna got satisfied...

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