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Friday, 26 July 2013

You are my Love, Not Life Chapter-3

Your life seems worthwhile if only you have that ‘someone’ in your life for whom you can stake every asset of yours, and I had one. It was Kartik. We lived in adjacent colonies and just after few minutes of long steps, I was in front of his flat ringing the door bell excitedly. 

“Shsshh,” a voice boomed inside the flat as a hand pulled me in with force.

“Oh my god, you scared me moron.” I said entering the flat.

“I am not here to scare you; I am here to protect you, till the last.” He said and embraced me in his arms. I could feel the warmth in his voice, warmth of care, and warmth of love.

“So what you want to show me at midnight?” I asked.
“Come.” He said by holding my hand and walked towards the living room.

“Here you go. Thank you for coming in my life, Aditi. You lightened my life with the brightness of your friendship. Today, it’s been exactly six months since we met and I wanted you to know that you mean the world to me.” Kartik said and turned the lights on. 

I looked around open eyed. It wasn’t the messy flat anymore where his socks lied over the television or his cell phone in the refrigerator. Instead, it was clean to its tiny bit. Moreover, the dim pale yellow and blue ceiling lights glittered softly over the marble floor. The glass table hid itself under the sheet of purple orchids. There laid a chocolate cake over the table. As I observed closely, I found it to have broken edges and burned base. 

“You cleaned the entire fucking flat? You baked a cake for me? Am I dreaming at this midnight hour?”
“Yes, this is a dream, a dream of a lifetime to know someone like you. But dreams do turn to reality someday. And today is the day for me.” He replied, softly. 

I smiled back and we cut the cake. Well, actually we tried cutting the cake but it was as hard as a cement plate, so I had a better plan. I picked the entire cake, took a deep breath and tried to take a bite. Yes, it was so painful that I needed a dentist right then but how could I have not risk my teeth for Kartik? I could risk all my life for him.

I never imagined that tuff guy to be so soft and divine at heart. This was a new Kartik beside me, caring, loving and responsible. I always nagged him about his irresponsible and I don’t care attitude but today, it seemed that he cared. He cared for me, he cared for our friendship, and he valued it. That night we spent lazing on his couch watching my favorite romcom, friends. He even showed me the secret nude pictures of him which he had hidden till today. He looked the fattest but cutest baby on this earth in those decades old pictures. That moment, I felt as if we have drawn closer to each other’s soul. 

It was the night of reveal- your- secrets. He did not mind opening the secrets of his life. I knew everything about him, about his family and the problems they faced. He even shared how he felt being the non deserving son of the family, a spoiled son without any expectation. I knew every kinky secret of him, including his not-so-good deeds. I laughed my heart out at the vaat-lag-gai moments of him with his ex girlfriends. It had been thirty past two am when he finally got tired of his constant blabbering and secret sharing. He lay back on the couch and I looked into his twinkling and tired eyes, they seemed to feel contended after letting the secrets of heart out.
“What are your secrets?” he said by breaking the silence.

I adjusted myself on the couch and felt a lump on my throat. Sometimes, there are some secrets of your life which you don’t even reveal to yourself. You run away from them. You put on a fake smile just to show the world how strong you are. But then, there comes a person in your life who owns the rights over you and over your heart and pulls out all the dirty secrets and make you go void of sadness by filling you with joy. I happened to have found that someone that night. I closed my eyes tightly and made my heart stronger to let go of the shame and guilt they were holding since she was ten.

“It is about my father.” I said slowly, recollecting all the never fading memories. My eyes were soon decorated with tears.
“I am sorry. Don’t cry… It’s ok if you don’t want to share.” He said cupping my cheek and wiping my tears with his thumb.
“I want to…” I said and sighed. I had to narrate a long story, fighting against my memories and tears.

“You know I was never into relationships and even now I don’t allow anyone. It is because I can’t afford to fall in love. My parents had a very beautiful love story. My mother loved my father a lot, he loved her back. But, my mother’s family was against it. Still, my mother left my parents. She put on stake all the relations and they get married. It was a perfect love story which turned out into a marriage. But, soon my dad started feeling that it isn’t love. He used to fight with my mom every day and night and Eventually He left her alone. She had left all her relations to save that only relation of love and he broke the only relation left in my mother’s life. I was a kid; still I understood what was happening. My mother never cried in front of me nor she even got shattered in front of the problems. She fought and saved the last relation; the “Mother-daughter” relation. Only I know how hardly she managed the financial situation. I never asked for toys and teddy bears. Because, I could sleep without the teddy bear but would have failed to sleep without my head on her lap and her hand on my forehead. I noticed her sobbing at nights. She had born the pain all alone.”

“You never tried to help her to cope with the situations,”

“I had. But, she is a mother. She never let me feel the pain. She was the happiest person in front of her daughter and I could do my best by pretending to be happy and making her smile.”
“I understand and you must understand too… that you have your whole family in your mother and I have the whole family still I am alone,” He compared.

“Haha…You have me,” I said tapping my shoulder. I was out of my past.

We shared few more secrets and later he fell asleep when I was narrating my boring girlish stories. I tried sleeping too but failed. My heart was flooded with too many emotions… It was the best time to write a blog. I turned on his lappy and typed my blog’s address in the address bar. Obviously his address bar was flooded with porn sites and facebook. I smiled and then started writing. It was a poem, inspired by very special person of my life; my Mother.
I saw their love,
I saw their fights,
I saw her smiling at days,
I saw her sobbing at nights.
Still, I can proudly say, she is my mother
I saw her broken and the way she struggled.
I was the princess to her, I was her life.
She was just my mother, not someone’s wife.
I hug her and I have everything I wish,
She smiles, hugs me and my life flourish.
She sobbed every night after I fell asleep,
I had my teddy bear, but she had no one to share her weep.
I wish I could someday see her tears and made them wipe.
Because, He was her love but not her life.


-Dhristy Dasgupta (Blogger at Maple Leaf

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