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Friday, 26 July 2013

You're my Love, not Life! Chapter 4

Fate is the director of your life story. It would make sure your life has every essence to be a complete movie one day. How could have my fate lagged behind? One more month passed by, we had our Christmas vacations to enjoy.  It was Sneha’s plan to spend Christmas in her uncle’s resort in Lonavala. Kartik, Sneha, Arjun, Himarsha and I left for our three days plan. Mom was reluctant in letting me go, but then, she wanted me to get out of the cocoon shell I was living in. She let me go.  I was happy to the core, this was new for me. The first ever time I would spend three days without mom. 

I loaded the bag pack over my shoulder and hurried to Sneha’s honking Chevrolet down my apartment. Kartik drove the car while I took the co driver’s seat. Sneha, Arjun and Himarsha happened to giggle every now and then for no reason. That irritated me at some point but they were just not ready to share their secret joke with me. I ignored them and took my head out of the window in that cold foggy winter morning. The mild sun rays kissed my skin making it seem radiant. The air blew my hair all across my face with its intensity. For a moment, I travelled to a completely different world. I travelled to a place called paradise where one finds joy in small little things of this world. I remembered my childhood days when my Dad used to plan out monthly picnics. I remembered the joyous and jubilant eyes of mine when we first owned a car. I remembered my habit of peeping out the window pane and I remembered the sweet little scolding of dad when I did it.

Tears emerged in my painful heart and found a way out through my eyes while the air blew my tears away in some distant past. I looked at my right; Kartik seemed to be serene and calm. He looked at me and our eyes met. I smiled at him sheepishly. He smiled back and cupped my cheek. It seemed as if he understood the volcano of emotions erupting down my heart. We took a halt at a roadside dhaba to have the morning tea. The warm touch of the clay cup shielded us from the chilly blowing wind. The giggles we shared sitting over the wooden cot in that dhaba holds beautiful reminiscence in our hearts even today. 

Later that afternoon, we reached to the resort and headed for our rooms. I, Sneha and Himarsha shared one and another one was shared by those wild asses. It was Christmas morning. Somehow, Christmas always made me happy and filled my heart with new hope all over again. The evening fell and we walked towards the Catholic Church of the resort. We rested ourselves on the smooth brown wooden bench while our eyes transfixed on the beautiful woman of glory, Mary and her divine son, Jesus. I closed my eyes and wished for a new dawn in my life. Who knew my wish would be granted, who knew that wish would bring a dawn in my life or a deep dusk which would never fade away.

“We have an awesome dance and dinner party starting within next ten minutes. We should better move.” Sneha said. Everyone hooted in unison, I preferred giving a smile because the church gave me much pleasure than any disco can ever give.
The dance began. We shook our crazy leg letting out all the bondage of our heart out. Few moments later, the track turned slow again. “A thousand years” was the track. The time I began moving out of the floor, I felt a clutch in my hand. I turned behind. Kartik held my hand and looked straight into my eyes. His eyes were innocent, true yet so firm. He pulled me closer and slid his hand on my waist. His warm breath rubbed with my ears. “I’ll love you for a thousand years” he repeated, as if he meant them.
“How you ever heard of a tale where a bad boy turns good just to get the girl of his dreams?” he asked softly. I nodded in negation.

“But I have felt that. I am a bad and irresponsible guy who wants to change. Who wants to take up the responsibility of his family, who now wants to be careful with his life. Who wants that one girl in his life.” He whispered back.

“What you mean?” I asked with a shivering voice. Somewhere my heart knew what he meant but I did not want to accept that.

“I just want to say, I have always found me as an emotionless person. But, whenever I see deep down in your beautiful eyes, I find those emotions. I find someone to whom I can put out my heart and let her comfort it, let her take it away, let her love it back. I am probably not the best person for you. But, I know just one thing that I will never let you cry, doesn’t matter if I cry oceans. I will give you the best out of me and to tell you what you mean to me I have just few words” He paused and closed his eyes. I could feel him coming closer to me. His breath paced. I had my hand placed on his chest. I could feel his heartbeats growing faster. I knew what was about to happen next. I knew that I can’t let it happen; still somewhere in my heart of hearts I let him embrace me more. I gift the moment passing by a life. He embraced me a little more in his arms. 

I saw his lips slowly moving.  He brought them near my ears and whispered “I love you Aditi,”

I hugged him back. My heart just beat the best moment of my life.  I clutched my arms on his back. I have lived his part of love for me in few moments. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on his chest. 

For a moment I forgot about the world, I forgot about the people dancing around us. I had my life, hugging me with all his passion. I had everything. My heart wanted to shout back “I love you too,” My lips were ready to pronounce the confession of my heart. But then something pushed me back. I couldn’t allow my heart to confess its feelings.
I pulled myself out of his arms and ran away out of the disco. It was an attempt to run away from his love and moreover it was a run away from me.

The very next moment, I found myself in the isolated garden of the resort, weeping. I sat on the wooden bench somewhere in the darkness against the crescent moon.
“You can’t run away from yourself. Confess that you love me too.” He shouted walking out of the darkness.

“I can’t love you,” I shouted. I wasn’t telling him but I was telling this to myself.
“You do love me… I had seen it in your eyes. Even now they are shedding the love which you aren’t allowing yourself to give me.” He said and sat next me.
I tried controlling myself but failed. I put my arms around him and cried out loud “I can’t love you… I just can’t love you Kartik and if I do still I can’t commit my life to you”

“I don’t know anything. I just know that I love you,” He said and came near me. My eyes had lost its tears. They were crying because I took the sight of Kartik from them and now the sight was back and they were again lost in his eyes. His eyes had the same passion of love. He smoothed a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “I Love you,” He whispered. His lips were just a moment away from mine. They wanted to meet. I closed my eyes and let his love paint my lips with the color of love.

In no time, he was holding me from my neck and I felt his lips pressing my lips. A shiver of love moved down my spine. It was my first kiss. Again I forgot the moment and let my heart live. My love earned few more moments of life.

-Dhristy Dasgupta (Blogger at Maple Leaf

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