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Just Saying

Friday, 25 October 2013

Hold on - The Relationship is bigger than my Ego

I'll be wrong if I say that my friends have never disappointed me. In fact my friends are the one who have disappointed me the most. Behind the scene reasons are many, but the epicenter lies in only one human weakness – expectations. But then that’s humane, isn't it? We tend to expect only from those who we trust, whom we believe, whom we consider as friends, with whom we share, whom we find special and with whom we know are there in our times of doom.

In every relationship comes a point where you feel things are not exactly in the pattern you would have like them to be. You feel this is it, this is the time where it should end. But then hold on, Give it a thought, what's troubling you? what's hurting you? Is there any other way out? Will being a little patient help? Will allowing some more time to your relationship help?

Lets do a little deep dive in this and see if we can develop any insight or conclude at any point or see what's the more correct thing to do.

When i say relationships, I don't intend to point at  people who claim to be an Love. In fact I aim at people who form the most integral part of anyone's life (at least mine)- FRIENDS. I have always preferred people who can at the first place be my friend, love follows automatically. I have seen enough examples around me to understand that maintaining your love relationships often costs you your friendship. I have people around me for whom sharing their loved ones to others is like a prohibited thing to do, people who don't mind sacrificing friends for their love. I often wonder, how? Personal priorities may be... Still unacceptable to me.

 For a moment close your eyes and imagine your life without friends. What do you see - a life almost empty, isn't it. Growing would have been never so fun had our friends not been there; those small fights, huge laughs, unlimited nuisance, heavy pranks all made up the best part of your growing years and people involved in all those activities were probably the best people in your life. Those were there long before the oxytocin hormone came in your life. I am not denying the importance of a love relationship in one's life but maintaining the balance matters a lot.

Both sets of people have a totally different set of expectations.  Friends never demand that extra attention that you need to give to your so called 'loved one'. All they expect is that indifferential treatment should not exist. If you have been associated with someone for a long period of time you develop an automatic respect for that person and somewhere you expect the same in return. But when that respect starts to diminish you start getting hurt and then it becomes a little difficult to behave in the same way as you have been doing for all these years.

People often ask me what's the most important ingredient in a relationship? Well to be frank that's a tricky one but I have my answer clear for years now. Not much to my surprise, different people have different opinion about this question. Love, trust, respect are the most commonly found opinions. Well i beg to differ, I tend to say - Time. And why not, the day you don't have time for someone in your life or you need a second thought for taking out time, that's the day you should access the necessity of that relation in your life. The genuinity of any relation can be judged by the time you have for that relation.

So if you think you are doing well in life, take out few moments just to see if in case anyone around you is getting hurt  because of your unintentional ignorant behavior, any person who never complains but has a storm going inside him, someone whom you also wan't in your life always but may be is drifting away from you. Not that I have not made mistakes in my life, Indeed I have, but I have always tried to restore the energies in my relationships. There have been and there are times when I have got hurt myself but then I have tried to just let the things pass by. Not so sure about what to do in such dicey times, I  think about, the good moments of that relationship which  made me smile over all these years, times of argument when both parties decided to shut up just to ensure argument doesn't leads to any further squabble, times when one held on to another to make certain the relationship progresses on, times when one was disappointed with the other and yet not a single expression of dissatisfaction was expressed and times when I thought it was all over and the other made sure I was wrong.

When it comes to people I really need in my life and I am disappointed in some way or other, I just keep telling myself,  " Hold on - The Relationship is bigger than my Ego"...

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