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Just Saying

Just Saying

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

December Diaries - Chapter 5

December Diaries - Chapter 5

He dug his hand inside his pocket only to find a note neatly folded. A smile gleamed through his lips knowing what would have Joanna written on that note - a love letter, quite obviously! He walked inside the campus of his school while unfolding the cramped paper. The smile on his face slowly began to disappear with every next word he read.

“Aryan, I couldn’t gather up the courage to tell you what I have been feeling since past so many days. Therefore, this note I leave for you to let you know what I have meaning all this while. Aryan, we’re yet teens, we’re yet far from reality, and I feel you are too immature and unrealistic. You need to understand that whatever we have between us is may be something more than friendship and not love. May be it’s just a childhood fling. I think we are too young to decide our future and be in a long distance relationship. I think it’s time that we should move apart. I think, it’s time for a final good bye! Hope you’ll understand, good bye!”

‘Oh shit! No,’ he shot and ran out of the campus towards the street with the hope she would be there, still there. But she wasn’t. She went far away, from reality, and from his life, leaving him alone on that isolated street with an unbearable pain in his heart, the pain of betrayal and loss! He had never imagined a day without her since the time she came into his life. No girl seemed more beautiful than her to him. His world went around Joanna, just her. She was his sunshine of the dawn and moonlight of the dusk. She was the first love of his life and he wanted her to be his last. His friends made fun of him saying he was a “Dumb ass” to be seriously in love at eighteen. When his friends were sleeping around with every next girl they found, he was busy in planning his future with Joanna. As long as Joe was with him, he didn’t mind whatever world had to say for him, all that mattered to him was her love and faith. But that day – Joanna actually proved him a dumb ass and left him alone to suffer, and his world came to a halt.

‘She dumped you? Seriously? See, we told you there’s no love at this age. But you were too dumb in so called loved. Now suffer!’ Akash said.

‘I loved her so much. Why did she do this to me?’ Aryan murmured, his heart seemed too heavy with the loss of his love.

‘Because, she didn’t love you. She just used you as a past time. I am your best friend you say, but have you ever listened to me? Remember, I told you I saw her with that Rudra in the corner section of library? You never believed me. All you believed was that bitch. Thank god she left you out of her witchcraft.’

‘Akash, please! Don’t you dare call her that.’ Aryan resisted.

‘Oh really? You are yet defending her? Brother, don’t prove the world that you are a big jack ass!’

‘She shattered me. She broke me. How do I live without her? How do I breathe without her presence? I just never learnt.’ Aryan broke down. This time, badly.

‘Hey bro! Relax, everything will be fine. We’re there for you. And remember, Karma is bitch – it fucks everyone. You are spending these valuable tears, but she will pay for it,’ Akash said and hugged him.

That day, my perception about boys changed. They cry too. They feel too. They break too. And when they actually fall in love, they love with every single piece of their soul. Aryan was sensitive when it came to Joe, for the rest of the world, he was a hard nut. And when she left him, he became a hard nut – in and out. He lived for only one reason – success! His life was nothing but a complete package of ambition, money, power, and hatred for the one he had once loved with every single piece of his heart. He never loved any girl since then with the fear of breaking again. He just played around! Years later, he found himself on the pinnacle of success. He took his dad’s financial solutions firm to newer heights. At just twenty four, he went on to become one of the richest and successful men of the country.

On the other end, Joanna’s life wasn’t a carnival. After she left Dehradun and Aryan, her new life began in the college of Mumbai. Things weren’t different there; she was treated only as sex object there. Soon she started missing her love. The thought that love can’t happen in school seemed to be a lie now. And, to make true that one lie, she kept lying to herself. She wanted to run away from thoughts of Aryan. She wanted an escape from his love.

Truth was, that letter she left in hand of Aryan was a lie. She loved him. However, she knew somewhere that she had made her love cry because of her faults. She had given pain to the heart who loved her heart without any expectations.

Instead of rectifying her mistake, her little ego pushed her in wrong ways. She didn’t go back to her love. She started finding love in her college, in her environment. She started dating random guys from her class and also her seniors. She was a bomb shell. Hence, she got every guy she wanted to love. But, they didn’t love her back. Everyone wanted to remove her clothes and heat their bed for few weeks. She didn’t do that. She wanted love. Continuous failure in love made her clearer and she started searching love around. She dated infinite guys but no one was that dedicated to her that she could say those three magical words to him. She devoted her three years of graduation, but then she couldn’t find love.

College was over. She was broken from inside. She terribly wanted an escape from her past. Hence, she asked her father to leave India. Initially her father didn’t allow but later he allowed, just for her happiness. She got confirm her Visa and flied away to London with the hope to forget her love forever; Aryan.

She took admission for her MBA in the best college of London and started working at Subway as a part time employee. She always wanted to be independent and earn herself which led her to the doors of Subway.

She made new friends. Memories of India started getting blur, she started forgetting her past. However, as they say ‘One can never run away from past.’ How could she? There is always a future which waits.

Joanna’s life was going perfect. Sometimes she used to miss Aryan badly but then her friends were just one call away. They were always ready for party and Joanna found no time to miss him or cry. Still, her diary stole few moments of tears in it. Those sleepless nights were captured perfectly among those pale pages of her journal. She was in love, she wanted to be that little Joanna who wanted to put her bag on her shoulder and take admission in 11th standard, with hope of meeting Aryan again. But she couldn’t. It was she who initiated the break-up. She wanted to love him but he was lost. She wanted to relive that touch of hand she felt while passing him the letter.

Her past knocked back and she saw Aryan standing in front of her.

                                                               ****

‘That’s great, Ms Joanna that you realized that it was a mistake and love can happen in 11th grade,’ Aryan said and started walking to the party again. His glass was empty and her time was over.

‘Aryan, please forgive me.’ She begged.

‘Why should I?’ Aryan shouted back.

‘Because, I love you…’ Tears welled up her eyes.

Love screams, and makes you deaf.
Then it whispers, but still you listen.
Love takes away everything, including you.
Perhaps, Love becomes life and its reason.
.
The lust of her pain,
weeping words of her stories.
All she captured beneath her smile,
And inked her December diaries.



&
Drishti Dasgupta
(Blogger at Maple Leaf)

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