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Thursday, 20 March 2014

Shaurya Forever... A Real Story. Part-13

"Please don’t go, stay with me for few days,” I texted her. I wanted to say the same to her but I could not. However, the moment I felt that she was going away from me again, I texted her. Perhaps it was late, too late to be specific. She was flying back, leaving me alone with to face the grief. Grief that was limiting me to live inside the cage, that Cancer had built for me!

And the day arrived when my condition turn so worse that finally I was shifted to ICU. I do not remember the date, I just remember the month. It was December, just few days for a new year and probably a new life or death. I do not remember what happened to me after that. I was unconscious and my mind turned dizzy, dizzy enough to narrate the further story.

Sanya Speaks

I will call myself lucky and unlucky both at the same time; Lucky because I was around my brother, always, even after he was shifted to the ICU and unlucky because I saw him in his worst days. The sight of seeing Shaurya struggling with the pain horrified me to the soul. There was a time when I was so moved with his situation that I wanted to stop meeting him but I never stopped. I wanted to meet him every day, I wanted to be with him every day, I wanted him to feel secure, I wanted to be that someone who sees him being recovered. Recovered completely!
 His whole body and face was so much bloated that I couldn’t even see his eyes, I couldn’t even notice whether his eyes were open or not. I could just pray that they remain open, not for forever, but at least for 50-60 more years. He used to just lay on the bed, motionless like a corpse inside the grave. He could see us coming and leaving the room but he couldn’t greet us, he couldn’t even smile. His eyeballs could just follow our sight to comfort himself that there were people around him, who wanted him to live. Survive till they too were living.

There was one day when I went inside and just stared at him for five hours. Minute after minute crawled but my thirst to see my brother breathing did not fade away even a single color.  I stayed there for five hours and when I couldn’t hold it, I ran back home and lay motionlessly on my bed to sob. I cried, I prayed, I cried again, I cursed myself for going there, I cried again, I promised myself that I won’t go there ever again, I cried and the very next day I broke the promise I made to myself.

There is this bad thing about people, everyone is a traveler, they travel in and out of our lives but they come with a baggage of memories, the bag they leave behind for us. It is full of presents, enough presents that they never allow us a single present to survive; out present. We get maze up in past and without living the present we pray for future, which is impossible and unnatural. To step into the future and leave everything behind, everyone needs to leave the bus of past and must walk in his present to the bus stop of future. There is no other way.

After few days, he was in better condition. He could talk now, he even chanted with me there lying on the bed. However, he was facing a lot of difficulties while talking to us, but he really wanted to talk and pretend that everything was normal and he is strong. He wanted to show every sign that he was not dying and he was coming back.

After chanting, he went to the loo and when he came out I heard him whining, “What happened to my eyes?” He said horrified.

I had no idea, I just turned around and gulped saliva down my throat. His eyes were bleeding. I could see blood dripping down his eyes. It felt like some butcher had pulled out his eyes with his tools and left his alone to whine.

I was so petrified that I could feel blood in my own eyes. I clutched Mami's wrist in shock.

She was behaving as if she had seen nothing, as if everything that her eyes had just witnessed was merely a Bad Day Dream. She made Shaurya rest in the bed and the doctors were called immediately!

The sight was terrible. My tears find their way out of me and I kept looking at this horrifying state of Shaurya. He opened his eyes and more blood rolled down to his cheeks. I tried looking into his eyes, his eyes were no longer white, they turned red. I had no option except crying, I went home again, completely broken and tried to sleep. I could not. Every part of me was trying to gulp the Sight and to be positive. But somehow the positivity inside me had died today! Died silently!

The same night, we got a call from hospital that something went wrong to Shaurya and they were now shifting him on the Ventilator. That day was the last day we talked to each other. I was hopeful that he will live. Probably god was with me. I met him again on 1st January.  

Written by: 

Himanshu Appie Chhabra
Parul Parihar 

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