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Monday, 13 May 2013

“Just 10 SHOTS OF VODKA BEFORE VIVA…innumerable after it.” By Sobhan Pramanik.

Just 10 SHOTS OF VODKA BEFORE VIVA…innumerable after it.”
By Sobhan Pramanik.

1. First one down the ducts. Ah! I wish I studied man.
2. Second one. Einstein? He failed in Physics.
3. Third one. Four months wasted for each semester. It’s half the time a sperm needs to be identified as something close to human.
4. Fourth one. You don’t need wings to fly. All you need is the wish to do so.
5. Fifth one. Dean is a dick head, three hour of exam can’t judge a student’s potential.
6. Sixth one. Winds. Darkness. Clouds. She. J
7. Seventh one. She is like a capacitor that stores my happiness. She is like a step up transformer provoking the “thing” between my legs.
8. Eighth one. Life is a mess. Porn is my love.
9. Ninth one. Head hurts. My last facebook status. “I promise. No facebook till the end of the exam.”
10. Tenth one. She is sexy and I love her….more than I lust her.

And your oral cavity shoved with half a litre of SPRAYMINT…Be Viva Ready, you sit before the professor.

1st question- “What is a differentiator circuit??”
I should have stopped at 3rd or 4th shot. I think I am overloaded. I knew it man…I knew…. Ah! Yes got it.
Student- It is something that differentiates all our happiness into sheer stress and distress.
Guys speak truth only when they are drunk.
Professor-What?? Are you drunk?
Student- Umm…yes!!
Professor- Get out…Just get out you fool.
Student- Mam I am really sorry. I can answer. Trust me. I can.
Yes, I can. I can tear your guts and use them to make the circuit connection. You bitch!
Professor- Okay, last chance.

2nd question- “What is OP-AMP(Operational Amplifier)??”
The eight peg…no it wasn’t the real love. I love her more than a nude Monika Mayhem.
(In case you are drunk, scroll up and check what eighth peg meant for)
Answer- OP-AMP is she, who amplifies every single beat of my heart with every touch of hers. I really love her. Yes, I do.
I turn around to catch a glimpse of her.
Umm…she is a little embarrassed because of my pathetic condition. No worries. I will get her few chocolates and she will be happy once again. I wondered.
Professor- “What nonsense is this??”
Not more than the one sitting before me and asking crap.
Student- “Umm…”
Professor-“Get out of here right now. You get a zero here.”
Student- “Please mam….”
Professor- “Out! I said”
Shove your attitude up your ass.
I got up from the chair. My head seemed to spin more than what Shane Warne can afford to produce on the pitches of Melbourne. Unable to balance, I fell flat on the ground.
I boozed over my boozing skills. I should have really stopped at the ninth shot.

I looked at her and said- “You know, I really love you” Cleaning the dust off my trousers.
She showed me a raised finger.
Umm…I love that. She showed me her raised “ring finger”. Waoh…!! Even she loves me. She wants to get married to me.
It was actually a raised middle finger. ‘Fuck off’ is what she meant….but I didn’t get that.
Thank god, I didn’t stop at ninth. Tenth shot really paid off. Middle finger= Ring finger. Love you sweet heart!!

I somehow managed to crawl out of the room as I heard someone scream. One of my friend, I guess. I think he stopped at the fourth or fifth shot.
“Bhai...Don’t worry. College will send 25 out of 30 for internals…for all…irrespective of fifth or ninth.”

Ten minutes later. I was preparing the eleventh shot back in the dump yard of my hostel room. 

Author- Sobhan Pramanik,  
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